1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
