The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
