it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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