R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
