Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
