This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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