I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize