Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
