We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
