My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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