My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
