I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
