ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
