Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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