ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
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Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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