so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
