The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
