So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
