I'm gonna have a badass scar
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
