I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Help. Why am I so naked?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
