I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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