If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
