I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
