i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Walk of Shame today included voting.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
