Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
