just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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