I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
