I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
tell me about the eggs
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
