My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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