hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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