he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
