Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
