I want to make a zoo with you.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
