The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize