I am puke
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
