he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
