My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
