I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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