So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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