hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
