i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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