I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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