Got a toothbrush?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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