Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
