OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you would pick up someone in the library
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
