if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
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Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
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I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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