My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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