we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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