Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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