my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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