That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I forget how to act sober
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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