Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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