I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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