He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
