shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
