Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
