you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize