I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
