First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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