life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
wanna go halves on a baby?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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