I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
