I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
