haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
