we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
