You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
