I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
