Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
