Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
