where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
