shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
