At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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