She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
