he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
