i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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