i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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