I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
