Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Of course I have a pirate flag
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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